I see you!

Hello there tiny bug, little insect.

I see you crawling there.

You don’t look tasty but you’re kind of funny.

You better not be coming up here ‘cos I don’t want your company.

I’m not trying to be funny, even though you’re trying to be naughty. You silly little 6 leggy buggy wuggy.

I wonder what else is down there.

Maybe a plant or leaf, or some otherworldly catnip.

Mmmm catnip. Gotta get me some of that.

Hmm I wonder how long more before my batteries are charged.

It’s cloudy today, probably not getting enough solar power, sigh, wonder when dinner is…

Hey let’s get together chop a few fingers off and call it a night!

Inside a random Japanese temple, in between sky scrapping towers, in the middle of Tokyo there’s a man.

A man standing, panting, exhausted.

A man holding a sword, dripping, wet with bloody sinew.

It’s dark. We only see his silhouette and the glistening red drops of blood as it falls off the blade and onto the floor.

There are no bodies on the floor.

There is no blood around him except from the blade.

The blade, it's bleeding.

Organically. As if it were made from the bone of a dragon.

A symbol of leadership. Of power. Control and subservience.

Only inside a random Japanese temple, in between sky scrapping towers, in the middle of Tokyo.

Staring into the heart of the sun.

Imagine a world of people made completely out of yellow. Bright yellow.

With orange people. Bright orange people dancing around the edge.

A happy, jolly bunch of merry people. Radioactive people.

People that you know if you got close enough to, you would just waste away as if an ember from a flame.

A cliché but beautiful and dangerous all at the same time.

Yet with stained glass resting upon our bridges we stare into it constantly as it rises and sets.

Looking from a far as those merry yellow and orange people dance their dance upon the land we call “star”.

Funnily, you could say they were starring in their own inter-galactic dance show.

Shine on you dancing flame.

Mom always told me not to make faces.

So there once lived a kid named Zac.

He was a child prodigy. When it came to making faces that is.

In fact he was so adept at it, he could even turn his face into one of a demon's.

He used to scare all the girls in school.

In some cases he would scare the girls so bad, their skirts would fly up revealing their teddy bear underwear.

Cheeky fella.

"Tsk, tsk Zac", his mother used to say. "One day your face will get stuck and will never return to normal then what'll you do?"

Zac replied "that'll never happen to me!"

Day after day Zac would use his scary face to scare people across all ages. Young, old, crummy and bold. He continued this extraordinary talent well into his teens.

One day in Kuala Lumpur, Zac felt the need to scare someone. He crouched down in a narrow alley way somewhere near Central Market.

He heard someone approaching. He became giddy with anticipation.

As the footsteps got nearer Zac got ready to pounce.

Finally close enough, Zac jumps out with scary face ready, roaring at the same time.

Midway through Zac gasps and screams! The stranger had a face scarier than his. A true demon's face.

Zac turned white. His face froze in the demon shape. He became paralyzed.

The stranger smiled a crooked smile. He waved his hand over Zac's face and turned him into a Japanese urn pot whatever its called.

The stranger's face transforms into a face that resembles someone we already know - Zac's mother.

She says "told you not to make faces, or it might get stuck that way."

Man that guy's ass is hot!

Better cool it off with a killer Japanese bidet icon.

Press the "+" symbol for a more powerful poop cleaning jet of water. Or press the "-" symbol for a less powerful poop cleaning jet of water.

What's this? Your ass is drowning in water? Use the red square button to stop the jet of poop cleaning water.

Is it just me or does that look a lot like an emergency button? You know the kind that says "Use when: Dayam the poop cleaning water jet is spraying hard, getting small flecks of poop on my threads dawg!"

So I was in Tokyo, you know, the one in Japan.

We were in a bus stop/station/taxi stand halfway between somewhere and... somewhere else when I felt the need to bake brownies. Sadly, it was the express easy bake kind.

So I walk semi-casually, with ass-cheeks clenched, in a north-northwesterly direction toward the public toilet.

I burst through the doors when no one else in our group was looking.

Blast! Only one cubicle and it's occupied.

I wait a second and decide maybe if i piss, it might alleviate my bowels from exploding into my Giordano boxers and then onto my Guess jeans.

Just as I remove my junk from it's holster the guy in the cubicle walks out.

I take a casual tinkle, the guy walks out the door, I run into the can junk on the loose.

I sit on the pooper and remark to myself "WTF dude?! Why's the seat so damn warm man?! How long was that thin Japanese businessman in here for?!"

The thought didn't linger as it was no holds barred down at the O.K. Corral (The public porcelain thrown).

After a quick bombardment it occurred to me that the toilet bowl was getting warmer. And warmer. It was kind of nice actually. Especially since the windchill in Tokyo at the time (January) was insane!

Then it all fell in place. I was in Tokyo, land of technology!

I mean where else in the world is there a public can with a modified bidet attachment plugged into the wall socket nearby?

I'm not sure if any of you (Supposing there any of you reading this), have spotted the other little button on the console beside the bowl. It's called "POWERFUL DEODORIZER". What it does is "purify" the air you just "stinkified"! I was in awe.

Later on our trip I visited yet another toilet, this time in a restaurant. It had something I wish I had taken a picture of. It was (Pausing for dramatic effect) AN ASS DRYER! You just press the button and warm air rushes toward your bidet cleaned ass to get rid of excess water!

♬ Toilet heaven.♩

Boy this blog looks like crap.

Why yes it does. Horrifically so, I might add.

It's this way because I really didn’t want to use the standard template backgrounds.

That and the fact the art director I work with didn’t want to help design one.

Not to mention that I made it myself. (Insert: pat on the back here)

"Oh well" for the inauspicious start.

And so ends random picture story time.